A Friend Request
Moving to a city is always challenging, especially when you’ve never done it before. A few years ago, I had landed a dream job. I ventured off to an unknown city, that I have never even heard of, called Lutz. It is a city located in Florida. A city that is pretty secluded, but fortunately only 20 minutes away from lively Tampa. I recall moving into my apartment alone & sleeping on a blow-up mattress my first week there. Although Lutz was just a 4-hour drive from my hometown, I still felt very nervous about this new move. It was a new place, where I didn’t have any friends or close family.
Right before moving, I remember feeling totally overwhelmed, to the point of tears. Luckily, my streets-smart sister came up with a simple but brilliant idea. “Steph, why don’t you just pack a weekend bag? Go up, work for a few days, & get acquainted with the place. Then come back down next week to move all your things.” She said casually, as if the idea she suggested was a mere afterthought. I looked at her in complete awe at the way her brain worked. It was in fact an absolute brilliant idea!! Which would spare me, a total meltdown. I purchased a blow-up mattress, & off I drove to Lutz.
I settled into my apartment and my job, all in the same week. The following week, I moved all of my things (including my cat). Once I knew where everything was located, I felt confident. I was ready to drive a U-Haul box-truck with all my things in it. I am proud to say that I alone overcame my fear of making U-turns & changing lanes, in an enormous vehicle.
Thankfully, it didn’t take me long to settle in. Meeting a friend, however, took more time. I yearned for a for a close friend in lonely Lutz. A friendship that was similar to the relationships I had possessed in my hometown, West Palm Beach. A friendship with much familiarity, that I could practically invite myself over for girl talk when lonely or bored. Instead, I kept encountering superficial friendships, that would better fit in the category of distant acquaintances. These friendships felt like boxed-in relationships. Only serving a specific purpose and nothing more. I had church friends that only spoke to me at church. Strangely, I couldn’t seem to get in touch with them any day other than Sunday. I had a work friend that only ever wanted to talk about work, and neighbors that were just neighborly. I even had distant cousins whom I would only see about once every 3 months or so.
Needless to say, I felt alienated & lonely. Heaven forbade my phone stopped working and I wasn’t able to contact my family nor friends back home. I would instantly become restless in sheer panic. It would result in me waiting outside of a T-Mobile store early morning (until they opened). Feeling like a lost stray cat seeking refuge & needing rescuing from absolute isolation. It was bad, really bad. I even started driving back to my hometown, whenever I had any days off from work. I did this just so I didn’t feel so lonely. It would take me a few more years of maturing, before learning the pure enjoyment of my own company.
After months of excessively driving back to my hometown, I decided to start praying for a friend. I realized I needed all the help I could get! It was a Tuesday night, bible study night. I never really went to bible study. I usually just studied from my Bible App, but now I would go, selfishly in hopes of making a friend. I arrived a bit late. I walked through the lobby and into the study room. I looked around and noticed almost every table filled. I spotted a table with one open seat. The open seat was next to a girl who looked my age. I began to feel hope. Hope that I would talk to her and we would become instant friends. As I started walking in her direction, I noticed another table. A table where an older woman was sitting, alone. I instantly felt empathetic for her. I also felt convicted that I should not let her sit alone. I started having a huge internal struggle and even an internal argument. I was there to make a friend and had a perfect opportunity to do so. This detour would ruin everything!!!
As I got next to her table, my inner spirit clearly ordered me to SIT DOWN!!! (Next to the older woman – of course) …Fine! I yelled internally, totally annoyed & irritated, mourning my fading opportunity to make a friend. My plan was now hijacked by my all-consuming conscience, which felt sorry for this woman who was sitting alone. I sat down. A few minutes later, another older woman came and sat right next to the lady, that I pitied… Oh yes, she too had a friend. Now I was really annoyed. She was no longer sitting alone…I was!
A few minutes later, a young couple and their baby also sat at our table. Followed by a woman, who seemed totally rushed & flustered as she arrived. I came in late, but she came in shamefully late (no judgment). I showed her the paragraph the study group was reading. She began thanking me but then paused. She looked at me, (completely ignoring the Bible discussion) and whispered “excuse me, but I’m new to town, and I’m looking to make a friend. Would you be interested in being my friend.” …I. Was. Shocked!! It was truly unbelievable! She went there just like I did, desperately searching for a friend. She was the friend God was giving me.
She was new to town, her husband relocated quite frequently for work, and she moved everywhere with him. Like me, she felt completely alienated. Over the next year she became one of my favorite friends. She was almost always so happy and bubbly. She was a true feel-good friend who was always ready to go anywhere, anytime. She enjoyed all of the cheesy things I did. We would go to bookstores, coffee shops, & the theater together. It didn’t matter how painfully long and drawn out the show was. We enjoyed them together. We had a friendship I truly believe was gifted from heaven. She was a friend that would always put a smile on my face with her random jump-around conversations. No one would ever match her high, energizer bunny levels (that just kept going). Best of all, she loved to laugh just as much as I did. My heavenly father, who knows me better than anyone else, gave me a friend. (Matthew 7:11 & Psalms 139). A friend that was the perfect friend for me.
Exercise: If time permits, try forming deeper connected friendships. Either make new friends or invest in the ones you have. Reach out and plan a fun date. Friendships take effort. We live in a world where we can do everything from a computer in our home. This convenience has unfortunately created isolation and loneliness. So, call your friend, or make new ones. Start friendship groups. Plan a future date & stick to it. Life is so much more meaningful when having shared experiences with loved ones. You would be surprised how many people are out there in search of deeper connections.
